Lucky dude found a horny girl masturbating in her car, he suggested her to have sex with him instead of masturbating

Laura Vandervoort's hotness fueled by Earth's yellow sun and, okay, the bikini

If you’re like me and have only been laid once in your life (Thank you, Y2K!), you’ll immediately recognize Laura Vandervoort as Kara/Supergirl on Smallville. If you’ve never seen Smallville, soon you’ll recognize Laura as Bikini Girl #2 in the Audrina Patridge vehicle Into the Blue 2: Script? Shit, We Just Put a Bunch of Chicks in Bikinis. Academy Awards, watch out!

Katie Price has nipples! You heard it here first.

Katie Price decided to do a little topless sunbathing while vacationing in Cairns. And, oh man, wait until you guys see what’s under those stars. Wow! You won’t believe it.*

NOTE: All pics are seriously, seriously NSFW. And also NSFC, NSFHE, and, also, NSFMW**.

*The Superficial Writer is not responsible for any crying, eye gouging or damage from heroic feats of masturbation in the face of adversity. And by adversity I mean those really wicked implant scars. *HORF A NORF*

**C = children, HE = human eyes, MW = my wang. Ha ha = I love asterisks!

Watch 4 Nina

Hammered

Laura Vandervoort's hotness fueled by Earth's yellow sun and, okay, the bikini

If you’re like me and have only been laid once in your life (Thank you, Y2K!), you’ll immediately recognize Laura Vandervoort as Kara/Supergirl on Smallville. If you’ve never seen Smallville, soon you’ll recognize Laura as Bikini Girl #2 in the Audrina Patridge vehicle Into the Blue 2: Script? Shit, We Just Put a Bunch of Chicks in Bikinis. Academy Awards, watch out!

Audrina Patridge in a bikini forces me to acknowledge her existence

It’s a documented fact that I want the entire cast of The Hills to get West Nile Virus in the face. That said, when one of them, in this case Audrina Patridge, slaps on a bikini I’m compelled by my dedication to science to post the above pics. Here she is on the set of her first film Into the Blue 2: Now With More Bikini!. After the film’s smashing straight to video success, you can look forward to seeing her next movie Jugsalonia: Starring Audrina, That Other Chick from The Hills with Fake Tits. Yeah, With the Wonk-Eye. God, I love cinema.

Pete Wentz's dad must cry himself to sleep

Pete Wentz (full name Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, I shit you not) had a bachelor party thrown for him last night with his dad (pink shirt) and future father-in-law Joe Simpson. No doubt, Pete’s father did backflips when he learned Pete was marrying a girl then immediately stormed down to the VFW and punched out everyone that ever mocked him. Even though he never served in the military and typically drinks at Applebee’s. Anyway, I can just picture the words of excitement coming out of Pete’s mouth during this momentous occasion of male-bonding:

“Oh, lookee, father! A stripper establishment. Goody-gum-drops. I do so hope we can put dollar bills into their panties. Oh, can we, father? I’d be the happiest boy in the world! I would, I would.”

But, no, seriously. Congratulations, Pete, and if I ever see you, I’ll hit you in the face with your own neon-blue-laced hightops. Cheers!

Sweet Apples

Amy Winehouse & Pete Doherty get the munchies, crack-larity ensues

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty continued to party as if they’re last zombies on Earth. Looking at pics from last night, I think it’s safe to say these two shouldn’t be allowed in the same room. Or country. Nay - hemisphere! You know what? Fuck it. Can’t we just send one of them to the moon? I mean, it’ll be easy. Just tell them it’s a really big ball of space-crack. They’ll find a way up. Which may or may not involve Amy tying M-80s to Pete’s shoes. (Fingers crossed!)

Thanks to Karen who’s happy to be in New Zealand far way from these two. Unless they learn to swim then, my God, none of us are safe…